When he gets scared dating

01-Mar-2018 13:00 by 8 Comments

When he gets scared dating - dating a mooch

They represent starting our own lives as independent, autonomous individuals.

We are rarely fully aware of how we defend against these existential fears.

When another person sees us differently from our voices, loving and appreciating us, we may actually start to feel uncomfortable and defensive, as it challenges these long-held points of identification. Many of us shy away from the things that would make us happiest, because they also make us feel pain. We cannot selectively numb ourselves to sadness without numbing ourselves to joy. Many people I’ve talked to have expressed hesitation over getting involved with someone, because that person “likes them too much.” They worry that if they got involved with this person, their own feelings wouldn’t evolve, and the other person would wind up getting hurt or feeling rejected.

When it comes to falling in love, we may be hesitant to go “all in,” for fear of the sadness it would stir up in us. The truth is that love is often imbalanced, with one person feeling more or less from moment to moment.

Much like breaking from an old identity, this separation isn’t physical. When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality.

It doesn’t mean literally giving up our family, but rather letting go on an emotional level – no longer feeling like a kid and differentiating from the more negative dynamics that plagued our early relationships and shaped our identity. Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening.

We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt. The ways we were hurt in previous relationships, starting from our childhood, have a strong influence on how we perceive the people we get close to as well as how we act in our romantic relationships.

Old, negative dynamics may make us wary of opening ourselves up to someone new. Many of us struggle with underlying feelings of being unlovable.

Worrying over how we will feel keeps us from seeing where our feelings would naturally go.

It’s better to be open to how our feelings develop over time.

We may steer away from intimacy, because it stirs up old feelings of hurt, loss, anger or rejection. Pat Love said in an interview with Psych Alive, “when you long for something, like love, it becomes associated with pain,” the pain you felt at not having it in the past. We have trouble feeling our own value and believing anyone could really care for us.

We all have a “critical inner voice,” which acts like a cruel coach inside our heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving of happiness.

Allowing worry or guilt over how we may or may not feel keeps us from getting to know someone who is expressing interest in us and may prevent us from forming a relationship that could really make us happy. Relationships can break your connection to your family.

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