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In these talks, we girls will touch on questions such as, “Do you date desi white boys?
Both families are equally traditional in their own religious practices.
I’ve learned to slow it down and take these contradictions as unique aspects of our culture.
Much like the girls on Sex and the City would get together to dish, my girls and I will get together and dish about the dilemmas of Dating while Desi. And Dating while Desi ain’t easy, as the mutiny has informed us on Sepia Destiny Part 1.
My mom asks if I’m looking at the “profiles” of eligible bachelors online. But with all this independence and progressive growth, many South Asian women are also expected to embody traditional family values too.
Or when I’m going to learn how to cook a proper dosa and chutney. degree and conservative religious ideals (which is great – if you’re that kind of guy, you should have girls lining up outside your doorstep, biodata in hand). I can swing internet marketing and consumer buying patterns, but somehow I can’t quite work my brain around the rules and expectations when it comes to Desi dating. She’s expected to cook daal and serve ginger chai, be a humble wife (not to mention a humble daughter-in-law), and behave the way our mothers and aunties behaved in the motherland. Take this scenario: A Desi friend of mine (we’ll call her Anita) was dating a White man (we’ll call him Greg) in college.
Even though they’re both Desi, their religious differences and family values are enough to create a sizable wedge in their otherwise healthy union.
So, try serving up the American values of independence, religious freedom, and women’s empowerment with the Desi values of tradition and family loyalty, and you’re bound to get an interesting taste.I’m independent and assertive, and I’m taking advantage of the opportunities around me. But, it seems as though we can’t take this independent nature and apply it to all aspects of our lives, especially when it comes to men, and ultimately, somewhere down the line, with aunty’s advice and dad’s blessing, and mom’s recipe for her amazing chicken tikka, marriage.Since graduating and staring my career, the conversations among friends and family have become increasingly about dating and marriage. If that’s not enough, throw in the double standard.by Ismath Mohideen Lately, I’ve been intrigued by contradictions. As South Asian women raised in the US, we’re taught to be strong, independent, well educated, and assertive. I mean, there’s enough confusion in school and at work to keep us all busy!Confusing perhaps at first, but for many people it takes some time to just get used to it.