Top ten dating couples do

05-Feb-2018 23:50 by 9 Comments

Top ten dating couples do

Members don’t meet people the old fashioned way, through conservation and shared experiences—they get their dates based on a compatibility analysis of their DNA.

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You’re wrong, city slicker—Farmers Only is more nuanced than that.

Are those the sort of people we really want to be reproducing?

If the most erotic movie you’ve ever seen is and your idea of a hot first date is swapping DNA in the literal sense, then Scientific Match is the place for you.

“You don’t have to be a farmer, but you do have to have good old-fashioned down to earth values,” says Jerry Miller, the site’s founder.

Jerry, “old-fashioned values” is code for either being racist or being Amish, and the latter can’t use the Internet. Never mind—after watching that commercial we’re guessing Farmers Only is less Confederacy Couples and more First Cousin Fornicating.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with trying to share a mutual interest—but if you can’t separate yourself from Lord Thunderdong, your level 85 shaman, then maybe romance shouldn’t be your first priority in life.

Date my Pet is, despite the name, not a bestiality site. But in a way, it’s even creepier—it’s a site for people who (platonically) love their pets so much that they come as a package in a relationship. Date My Pet.” “Get stood up by me because I had to stay home and make sure Mittens didn’t get lonely” is only implied.

It’s all the awkwardness of Internet dating with the added fun of a science project! There are real advantages to dating with science, as explained by the site’s “6 benefits of scientific matching.” The number one benefit?

“Chances are increased that you’ll love the natural body fragrance of your matches.” Wait, is this secretly a dating site for people who refuse to use deodorant?

Date my Pet’s profiles are so saccharine it’s hard to believe these people know what dating is.

Users spend more time describing their pets than they do themselves, and they use words like “purrfect” and “nosewiggling” with such reckless abandon that even the Care Bears would be disgusted.

Finding love is hard, and it’s even harder when you’re only attracted to Asian midgets with Parkinson’s disease and a lisp.